Burger Kings
Our intrepid food writer consumed thousands of calories, traveled hundreds of miles, and visited dozens of restaurants, drive-ins, and dive bars across the state. Why? To bring you this: The definitive, ultimate, be-all, end-all list of the greatest burgers in Minnesota.
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18 - Monte Carlo Bar & Cafe
Inherent Awesomeness: 23
One of the most distinct variants of the Great American Burger is urban, mid-century, and sexy, but battle-scarred, in a very Edward-Hopper-meets-Death-of-a-Salesman way. Nowhere is this variant more in evidence than at the Monte Carlo, the classic businessman’s steak house in the Warehouse District of Minneapolis. Settle in at the copper-topped bar and contemplate the majesty of the dining room—the rows and rows of glittering, glamorous bottles that back the bar. Then settle in for one beautiful burger: The meat is tender and simple, and it comes inside a grilled, slightly sweet, vaporous bun that squishes away to nothing in the hands. You’re left to contemplate an elegiac grandeur. Romantic? Very, so be sure to have this burger with a Manhattan, if not straight whisky. Monte Carlo, 319 Third Ave. N., Minneapolis, 612-333-5900
17 - House of Coates
Inherent Awesomeness: 25
Once
a stop for the Chicago Great Western Railroad, the town of Coates still
has a rural, middle-of-nowhere feel, despite being not all that far
from the Twin Cities. Maybe it’s the well-worn plywood booths. Or the
church-basement chairs. Or the pull-tabs. No matter. Order a burger and
you’ll see why the parking lot here is always full. The fried onions on
the Sewanee burger are soft as butter, the bun is big and bready and
makes you feel like you’re eating a whole platter’s worth of meat. The
burger itself is gorgeously charred, but tender as tears. The fries
aren’t much to speak of, but if you’re taking Highway 52 anywhere, the
House of Coates will forever fix in your mind that the middle of
nowhere can be somewhere worthwhile. House of Coates, Highway 52 and County Road 46, Coates, 651-437-2232
16 - Newt's
Inherent Awesomeness: 29
Newt’s is not easy to find. It’s down an alley, then up a steep staircase. But this doesn’t seem to stop every person in Rochester from going there. Stop by on a Friday night and you’re likely to wait an hour for a table. The draw? Great burgers and a strange ju-ju that makes it feel like you’re drinking in Vermont circa 1978. There’s tragic, sepia-and-milk-chocolate colored stained-glass lighting, darkness everywhere, and—on the floor—popcorn thick as wet snow. There’s also a lot of 1920s-feeling black-and-white photos on the wall and a jukebox pumping out the Who and Neil Young. There are loads of microbrews available, and the fries arrive by the pound, in a perfect pale-golden mound: not too crisp, not too soft, lightly seasoned and okey-dokey in every possible way. And the burgers? They’re the lightest big burger in the state, which may seem like an odd compliment if you haven’t actually tasted one. The buns are white, fluffy, and almost a bit dry. They serve as the perfect foil for the beefy, airy, not overly seasoned, half-pound patties that seem to be held together by nothing but the thinnest veil of exterior char. The hardest things to do well are always the simplest. The elegant, juicy, gorgeously plain Newt’s burger proves that rule—and is worth the hunt. Newt’s, 216 ½ First Ave. SW, Rochester, 507-289-0577, cccrmg.com
15 - Gordy's Hi Hat Restaurant
Inherent Awesomeness: 29
Since 1960, the folks at Gordy’s Hi Hat have been doing things the same way: Hand-pattying beef that was ground that day (and has never been frozen); cutting fresh onions for their signature half-battered, half-breaded onion rings; and blending their shakes and malts with nothing but real strawberries, real raspberries, and real bananas. And that’s why, for almost 50 years, city folk have made the Hi Hat a destination stop on the way to cabins Up North. “Consistency is the key here,” explains owner (and son of Gordy) Dan Lundquist. “People say, ‘I want a cheeseburger,’ and it better taste the way it did last fall. So we do everything the same way we’ve done it for the past 48 years.” Well, except that last year they started taking credit cards. Gordy’s Hi Hat Restaurant, 411 Sunnyside Dr., Cloquet, 218-879-6125
14 - Tender Maid Sandwich Shop
Inherent Awesomeness: 32
“You want a spoon with that?” asks the nice lady behind the counter at Tender Maid. If you’ve never been here before, you’ll think she’s asking if you want a spoon with your milk shake. No, she means with the burger. It’s loose meat, meaning that it’s filled with steamed crumbles of beef, kind of like a Sloppy Joe without the sauce. Of course, you can pick up the whole burger in its wax-paper wrapper and shove it in your mouth without the spoon. If you do, you’ll experience the simple, unadorned taste that people have been wild about since 1938. But, really: Put the burger down and use the spoon. Why? When else in life are you going to get the chance to eat a burger with a spoon? Tender Maid Sandwich Shop, 217 Fourth Ave. NE, Austin, 507-437-7907
13 - Salut Bar American
Inherent Awesomeness: 33
To
the uninitiated, Salut might seem like a French restaurant. After all,
they offer glimmering fresh seafood, a fat French wine list, and
distinctly Gallic dishes like escargot and tarte tatin. But
to Salut regulars, the place is actually a big old burger joint with
lots of benefits. Name another French restaurant that serves 120
burgers each weekday, and some 200 each day on weekends. The Salut
burgers are just delicious. They’re made with fresh meat, ground daily
and laced with a top-secret spice blend that lends a zesty liveliness,
and are served on crusty ciabatta buns made at the restaurant’s own
bakery. In fact, these burgers have a balance to them that makes them
seem inevitable and necessary. The homemade, hand-cut fries don’t hurt
either. But you know what’s weird? This is the one burger on this list
that goes better with red wine than a beer. Must be a French thing. Salut Bar Americain, 5034 France Ave. S., Edina, 952-929-3764, salutbaramericain.com
12 - The Lions Tap
Inherent Awesomeness: 33
The magnificence of the modest, eat-it-with-one-hand Lions Tap burger really comes into focus only after you’ve sampled a couple dozen of the best burgers in the state. Why? Because the Lions Tap stands out for what it is not: It’s not over-seasoned, not over-garnished. You get a thin patty, seared just right so that it’s crispy at the absolute edges and tender within—a perfect counterpart to the simple, white old-school bun. It is no less than the absolute essence of the perfect American roadside burger. There’s not much point to the lame crinkle-cut fries, so feel free to skip them. And feel free to skip ketchup on the burger, too: The Lions Tap offers one of the few burgers in the state that is so good that it seems sacrilegious to put ketchup on it. The Lions Tap, 16180 Flying Cloud Dr., Eden Prairie, 952-934-5299, lionstap.com
11- King's Place
Inherent Awesomeness: 33
Miesville
is on the highway between Red Wing and Hastings, and some days it seems
the entire town, population 135, is doing one thing: Eating
all-American burgers at King’s Place. Seriously all-American. Located
across the highway from the Miesville Mudhens stadium, King’s is as
American as baseball, if not more so. Picture an original
turn-of-the-century carriage stop unrecognizably updated with a
knotty-pine-paneled bar surmounted with an odd, roof-shingled overhang,
a hodgepodge of contemporary beer signs, and mirrors resplendent with
scenes of pheasant–hunting. Guys in construction vests split pitchers
of beer, bartenders insist one television stays tuned to the Rachael Ray Show
to make sure the church ladies at the big table stay comfortable, and a
roll of paper towels sits on every table. Those paper towels are
necessary, at least if you want to dig into any of King’s 37 burgers,
the best of which are the most elaborate. The awesome Triple Play, for
example, is topped with bacon, Cheddar, Swiss and pepper-jack cheese,
green olives, and sour cream—yeah, there are four separate kinds of
dairy on that burger. Take a gander at all the dark blue Harvestore
silos that mark the location of prosperous dairy farms nearby and
you’ll get the connection. This is a dairy burger in dairy country. How
does it taste? Perfect. The thin burger patty has a slight, yet
important gloss of char to it, though it’s still tender as anything.
The bun is buttery and well-grilled. And the whole thing comes together
in a way that’s so cute, lovable, and devourable that the burger may as
well stand up and tap dance across the table. Sure, the fries are
forgettable, but even the plain old hamburger is scrumptious, and if
you want to know what the sweet, sweet taste of America is, look no
further. Build your visit around a Mudhens game, and you’ll see why
those 135 residents of Miesville are some of the luckiest people on
earth. King’s Place, 14460 240th St. (Hwy. 61), Hastings, 651-437-1418
For more of this story, pick up the July issue of Minnesota Monthly, on newsstands now.
Dara Moskowitz Grumdahl is a senior editor at Minnesota Monthly.
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